Bringing together some wonderful writers, Lana Fox of Go Deeper Press, has released their latest anthology. It’s called Shameless Behavior – Brazen Stories of Overcoming Shame, and as the title implies, every story tackles a different area of sexual shame. I was incredibly touched to be included, especially because sex positivity is an issue I am quite passionate about, and look at it, all shiny and out for the world to see!
You can get Shameless Behavior on the Go Deeper Press website or from Amazon – other outlets to come, but for now, here’s a snippet of my story in the anthology. It’s called Doll-Faced Demons and it’s about a woman bringing her girlfriend home to meet her homophobic family and how the two of them overcome the feeling of shame that clings to very walls of that place.
From: Doll-Faced Demons
in Shameless Behavior
“I shouldn’t have brought you here. I’m sorry,” you finally say, shaking your head between my breasts. When I open my mouth to object, you give me that look—the one that is so quintessentially you: when your wide-eyed sweetness turns into wide-eyed scorn with the tiniest flicker of your brows—and I am struck silent while you rise from the chair. Your fingers run over the spotless table, then you look around. I follow your gaze to the plush toys on the meticulously made bed.
“I can’t believe you lived here,” I admit with a wry smile and lean in to kiss your shoulder. “It looks nothing like you.”
I don’t know what I expected, but you chuckle—a choked, beaten-down idea of a laugh, mirthless and sad.
“She threw it all away, all my things,” you say. “Reverted me to this.”
We look around together, and I take your hand. How I hate your mother, more than I could ever have expected to. You know my parents, who accept you like a second daughter and invite us to barbeques; who write to their representative about legalizing our marriage; who walk around stupidly proud, telling everybody about their adorable daughter-in-almost-law. I walk in the parades, I share important things on Facebook, but I was always so, so lucky. I had no idea.
“Here,” I say and smile, then kiss your hand and let go. I grab two teddies and a doll from the bed, toss them at you.
“What?” you say.
I wriggle my eyebrows and pilfer through the drawers of the desk. There it is—nice, shiny and sharp: a pretty pair of scissors.
“My rebel,” you smile at me, then, looking at the poor little prisoner bear lined up for execution first, you chuckle. Suddenly, there is that real smile I love.
“I think this one needs a makeover. What do you think?” I ask and jump on the bed, reaching for an honest-to-God collector’s Barbie. Standing on top of the blankets, getting them all in
disarray, I hold her up by her feet, and—snip, snap—the blonde locks go flying toward the floor. Barbie has a pretty, edgy new haircut now. You stare, a hand covering your mouth, but then you start laughing.
“God, I want to fuck you,” you whisper.
Oh, yeah. That’s my girl. “Does that door lock?” I ask, and my grin only gets broader, more gleeful when you shake your head. “Even better,” I say. “Come here.”
You take my hand and I pull you onto the bed. We are both wearing shoes, feeling like revolutionaries. Off with their heads, or their rules, at least.
“Would you believe me if I said I’ve never done that?” you ask.
You giggle and slap my shoulder with the poor, little teddy bear. It feels nice. Playfully, I threaten you with the scissors. I have the sudden impulse that I want to cut your clothes off, piece by piece, until you’re naked and in tatters and all mine.
“I’ve never jumped on the bed,” you say. “Or mutilated toys.”
I shake my head, then hand you the scissors. I love how your eyes are sparkling again.
“Go, mutilation virgin—the bear had it coming. He’s been voting Republican for years.”