I haven’t been posting a lot here recently. I have been dealing with some issues in my life that always make me want to hide. Lorrie showed me a comic just now that basically illustrated how we tell everybody when we physically hurt ourselves but when we have mental issues, we hide it. I hide. Crawl into a little corner and wait for those moments where I can put a bright smile on my face and be the person people expect me to be.
I have anxiety issues, and they have been getting worse over the last year. My job — teaching English — hasn’t exactly been helping. Apparently exposure therapy isn’t for me, and I seem to have done so much hiding that I got depressed and everything just swept over me like a wave that swallowed me whole.
I am writing this, not to garner sympathy — but because feel guilty for hiding it, for perpetuating a stigma that just isn’t in keeping with the times. I know better. So here it is. I have anxiety issues and I am taking anti-depressants.
I am not a great blogger — honestly, I think being a writer of stories and a blogger are two very different skill sets and I admire those who write good blogs a lot. But I’m working on an idea for a YA novel that incorporates a lot of my experiences with anxiety, HSP, introversion and depression. It sounds like a terribly un-fun read but it’s also something I am somehow yearning to write with every fibre of my being.
Something made me smile today, though. I passed the 40k benchmark in the Lakeside sequel and I realized that was pretty much exactly where I wanted to be at the beginning of March. And I thought I had been slacking! On top of that I wrote a few short-stories and have been collaborating with Lorrie on a contemporary romance that is also totalling at about 30k right now. I am always quick to disparage myself but that really isn’t bad for two months in which I also had a lot of other stuff on my plate. So, I’m going to be proud of that today. One step at a time.